There once was a man named James Copus
About whom I'm writing this opus
Then I said, I give up
This is so fucking hard
To find words that rhyme with "James Copus"
-- John Neyer

There once was a man named James Copus
Who insisted we write him an opus
But the joke is on him
We think he's quite dim
Perhaps his last name should be "mopus"
-- Jeff Gerish

there once was a man name james copus
whose academic career lacked focus
he was so stuck in school
that they took him a fool
and fed his thesis to the locusts
-- Craig Morin

There once was a man named James Copus
Who thought he could write a grand opus
But to get us to sit
And to listen to it
He first had to come out and dope us
-- John Fisher

There once was a man named James Copus
and he lived in a great grecian Polis.
We think that he's nuts 
'cause he likes to shave butts
And his name isn't even James Copus.
-- Zak Schank

There once was a man named James Copus;
he loved George Stephanopolis.
His wonderful hair
Made James crazy down there
And a restraining order won't help us.
-- Zak Schank

There once was a man named James Copus
Whose thesis was one shitty opus.
His work was so flacid
you could cook it with acid
And Jimmy would wash down with soap-es.
-- Zak Schank

There once was a man named James Copus, He was always stuck watching Mr. 
Holland's Opus, He threw out his TV, wiped the sweat off of his knee, and 
joined Penn and Teller just to say Hocus Pocus. 
-- Phil Reigle

there once was a man named james copus
who had a rooster that was purple
so he painted it orange
because he had no silver
and he gave it to mike krzyzewski
-- Eric Baker

there once was a man(?) named james copus
who dreamed of a day with no puss
he treated his wounds
with ninety-nine luftballoons
and nena brings more reds to dope us
-- Eric Baker 

why couldn't james be from nantucket
or perhaps have the surname puckett
we'd all feel quite ingenious
as we cracked wise about his cleanness
he'd be too much a target to duck us
-- Eric Baker

There once was a man named James Copus
We're over here dude, common! stay focused!
He took a hit off de big bubbler.
Son, get your mind out of the gutter!
Ha ha this is pimp! It's the dopest!
-- Kimberly Stevens


**** Some post-contest submissions:

There once was a man named James Copus
Who was quite afraid of the lotus
He was too repressed
'Til he shaved clean his chest
Thus succeeding to climb on the ho' bus
-- Alexi Papaleonardos 

There once was a man named James Copus
Who slammed his **ck in a ford focus
His sex life stayed as dead
As before his thing bled
Though he smiled once he saw there was no puss
-- Alexi Papaleonardos 
 
There once was a man named James Copus
Whose boring-ass job was totally bogus
Like all government contracts it's phony
Plus out in Akron he's so goddammned lonely
That when we seem him he'll probably grope us
-- Alexi Papaleonardos