Glue Up One's Nasal Passages

One of my friends works as a Customer Response Analyst at a certain glue company. This job occasionally involves handling customer complaints and problems. I noticed today that his work email address was included in a mass email that I received. You can guess what followed:

Dear (Insert Glue Mascot Here),

I have a problem with your fast-drying [Company Redacted]'s Wood Glue. When I shove the whole bottle up my nose and squeeze, it all just oozes out the other nostril instead of staying in my nasal cavities to harden. I think this is a problem with the glue. Please fix it, or I will be forced to use a competing product on my nasal passages.

His Response:
Dear Miss,

Thank you for contacting us.

We believe your problem is that you are not buying enough glue. You should take two bottles and squeeze one into each nostril at the same time. For best results, squeeze until you feel the glue touch your brain. We hope you find this information helpful and look forward to serving you as a satisfied customer in the future.

Sincerely,

(Insert Name Here)
Consumer Response Analyst

My Response:

Thank you for the promptness of your reply.  I have tried your advice, and have, unfortunately, run into some problems.  When shoving a bottle into each nostril, the glue no longer runs out my nostrils.  However, [Company Redacted]'s Wood Glue now seems to be leaking from my ears, and there seems to be an adverse reaction resulting from the pressure of the glue against my eyeballs.  My vision is slightly clouded, and I appear to be hallucinating.  I see hippies everywhere trying to bogart my stash of  [Company Redacted]'s Wood Glue.

I believe this clearly demonstrates there is a defect in your product.  I again await your advice.

His next suggestion:

Dearest Glue Patron,

If the glue is coming out of your ears, that is how you know it's working.  Blurry vision is a common effect associated with the use of the product as you described.  This can be resolved by simply gouging out your eyes with a grapefruit spoon.  Ta da!  No more blurry vision.  Be sure not to use a soup spoon because the effects are not knows.  The hippies you see are not hallucinations.  They are as real as the voices in your head.  A quick squirt of glue up each of their nostrils should take care of that problem.  We thank you for thinking of [Company Redacted]'s wish you the best luck for all your future endeavors.

Regards,

(Insert Name Here)
Consumer Response Analyst

I should write a thank you letter.